Make the Call

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Make the Call

This is the first thing I saw as I opened my eyes on June 18, 1996, the 5th Birthday of my daughter Cayla. A toilet.

As I open my eyes and look around I realize I am sitting on the floor of the bathroom. I am freezing cold. I am covered in something sticky. It is in my hair, on my face. It is all over me. My lips are numb. My left thigh aches.  I note I have on the same clothes I wore to bed.  An oversized t-shirt with the decals that celebrated the Toronto Blue Jays World Series wins in 1992 and 1993.  The t-shirt is so soaked in cold sweat it could’ve been wrung out. I am shaking profusely.

I then look over to my left and see my then husband. He is sitting on the edge of the tub. I mumble to him “I’m low.”. I see that he is holding my glucose meter.  As he shows me the face of it, evident he has just tested my sugar I notice his hand is shaking. He says “No, you’re high.” and shows me the number on the meter. I feebly argue I am definitely low despite the number on the blood glucose meter. I then say my leg is sore and ask if he gave me a needle.

He then explains to me the events that occurred that lead to this point.   As he is sound asleep in bed he feels my arm fall across his chest in bed. As he grabs my arm to remove it from his chest, he realizes that it is very cold and clammy. So cold and clammy he wonders if I am alive. After placing my arm back at my side, he nudges me and ask if I am okay. According to him the only sound out of my mouth is a moan. He continues to tell me that he then picks me up out of the bed and carries me to the kitchen where he attempts to feed me honey, as he tries to tuck the honey into the corner of my cheek to allow it slowly drain into the back of my throat, down into my stomach where it will begin to raise my sugar, I fight.

According to those who have cared for me during a severe low, I am not a nice person.  Despite my small stature I am a fighter & don’t like to cooperate.  I have been known to be holding my son Kurtis when he was a baby, refusing to give him up, insisting I need to protect him.  When I injected my insulin using vial and syringe I made a habit of leaving a new syringe and vials of insulin on the kitchen table so I didn’t forget to take my insulin.  After being carried from the bedroom, unresponsive and seated at the kitchen table, while my caregiver gets the honey out of the cupboard, I have been known to unconsciously draw up my insulin from the vials into a syringe & insist I MUST give me my insulin.  With adrenalin kicking my mind into fight mode, I have been known to hold the syringe full of insulin tightly in the air, making it challenging for the person trying to save me from my low to get close enough to treat it.  I have been known to place both feet on either side of the outside of car door to prevent my caregiver from getting me in the car to take me to the hospital.  Yes, I am one of THOSE in a severe low.

He continues to attempt to place the honey in my mouth.   According to the story I hear the # on the BG meter reads high, well above target.  As a result he re-adjusts his plan and determines that when he found me in bed I was not low but high. He injects 10 units of Humulin® R (regular) insulin in my left thigh. I don’t remember any of it.  It is 5am when he found me cold and clammy in bed, it is 10am when I wake up to see the toilet.

After I come to my senses in front of the toilet, he helps me clean up and leads me to the couch. I feel so guilty. Not because I had the low…it was considered inevitable with that type of insulin and I always tried to convince myself it wasn’t my fault. Back then the insulin I took caused me many severe lows.

I feel guilty because it is Cayla’s 5th birthday and birthdays are important. My Mom always made birthdays a very special day and I made a point of carrying that tradition on for my children.

I felt guilty because I am not able to get up and make Cayla’s morning as special as I typically did. I am not able to smile, hug her and wish her a Happy Birthday. I felt guilty because I can’t make her Birthday breakfast.

Instead, she is witness to her Father trying to bring her Mother out of severe low.

I feel guilty because I have to lay on the couch testing my sugars every few minutes to make sure I don’t bottom out from the 10 units of Humulin® R I have active in me.  I feel guilty because I am a bystander as I watch her Dad present her with her new bicycle. I feel guilty that on that day, her special day I feel like a failure as a person, a parent, as a person living with diabetes.

The learning I received from this morning is that she was more worried about me then how the morning of her 5th Birthday unfolded. She smiled as he presents her with her new bike. Then she says to her Dad, ” Daddy, I think you should’ve called for an ambulance.”

“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference….” –Reinhold Niebuhr

Meaning

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Meaning

If you didn’t live with diabetes would you be the same person you are today? What has changed about you & your family as a result? Has it been a positive change?

Without a doubt I have a passion & a purpose that I believe would have been more difficult to discover had it not been for living with ‘my’ diabetes. Although there are days I wonder how much more energy (many without diabetes say I have more then they could harness so I hesitate to wish that upon anybody! LOL) as well as how much easier & clearer my mind would be to think & process daily thoughts (that again scares people that if I thought & processed more than I do I would be a very overbearing person). Maybe I am just really good at hiding how crappy I feel somedays. BUT, in the end, I have no regrets or misgivings about being handed this lot in life. Especially now that I sit with peeps & their families that live with diabetes & appreciate that I am their coach. I love sharing my experiences of 38 years of living with diabetes, as well as 13 years as a Mom of a child with diabetes to help others.

On the other hand, I do find at this point in time challenging as a parent of a ‘child’/young adult living with diabetes. At time of diagnosis & since he became a teenager I wish it had never happened or that I could keep him at the age I was able to manage him fairly easily. I tell myself that someday I will not feel that way. He too will find his rhythm, as I did, living with T1 diabetes. I don’t think there is a parent out there that can say that their family, them or their child is better off because of having diabetes.

My Mom’s perspective? Now that she knows I take great care of my diabetes & have a career that I love as a result of it she doesn’t worry as she did years ago. With that being said, I know she still has this ‘old’ diabetes mindset that one day I will announce I have kidney failure or I’m going blind. But as each day goes by I know she sees this will not happen…not in this day in age.

Too Good To Be True?

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Too Good To Be True?

I feel I am walking a fine line by being bold enough to post this. Initially, I thought it would so simple to post about how great Coconut Oil is because I use it & love the smell & taste.

As I investigate further, as with any other food, until further long-term clinical studies are done, it seems it’s not the cure-all for everything. This is not a post saying “don’t use coconut oil”, it’s merely to raise awareness that too much of anything can cause issues. I am not a dietician or nutritionist so please make sure to consult with yours before making any changes to your diet.

Compare Coconut Oil to Butter:

1 tbsp of coconut oil has 11.8g of saturated fat, 90% of the fat is Saturated Fat.

1 tbsp of butter has 7.2g of saturated fat, 63% of the fat is Saturated Fat.

Supporters of coconut oil claim even though it is very high in saturated fat it doesn’t increase bad cholesterol (LDL) because it is a medium-chain fatty acid versus a long-chain fatty acid which butter & other fats are.

After meeting, the World Health Organization, American Heart Association & the Dieticians of Canada agreed to recommend to the public that they should limit their consumption of significant amounts of coconut oil (as with any fat) due to the high saturated fat content.

According to the American Heart Association;

1. Heart disease & stroke are the #1 cause of death & disability among people with Type 2 diabetes
2. At least 65% of people with diabetes die from some form of heart disease or stroke.
3. Adults with diabetes are 2 − 4 times more likely to have heart disease or stroke than adults without diabetes.

There is no solid evidence that coconut oil can help in abdominal weight loss or cure Alzheimer’s. The few studies that I have found were short-term & small. There were loopholes in them & did not offer clinically relevant results to substantiate claims of eating it at will.

While recently there is clinical evidence showing it is possible that the link between saturated fat & heart disease is not as strong as once believed. The data out there still shows it’s best to still be mindful given the risk associated with diabetes & heart disease. It seems until they release real evidence that proves that coconut oil does benefit our cardiovascular health &/or that saturated fat is not linked to heart disease, moderation is the key.

You Can Get Diabetes By Touching Someone

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DBB FB Blog Catch Diabetes Touching

Our family moved in 2001. As a result of the move the kids transferred to a new school. Kurtis was living with diabetes for just under one year. In his previous school the acceptance & understanding of staff & children with his diabetes was great.

Within weeks of his new adventures of being a 3rd Grader in his new school, Kurtis informs me he can’t make friends. “Why?”, I ask. “They point at me and laugh. The kids are telling other kids if they touch me they will get diabetes.”

Within days I receive a phone call from his teacher. She asks if I will come in & speak with the class. She tells me the same story Kurtis has just days before. She wants the class to learn about diabetes.  She is concerned that the misinformation being discussed among his peers will lead to long-term issues.  She is concerned for Kurtis’ well being.   Ms. Maker explains she feels I will make an impact because I live with diabetes as well. They will see me as a Mom who is a nurse, I have friends & I have a daughter that doesn’t have diabetes. I agree & start planning how I will speak to the children about this.

The main myth to displace was reassuring them that Kurtis didn’t get his diabetes from touching me.   My plan was to think like a 7 & 8-year-old.

Word for word I can’t tell you what I said or how I said it.  It was a little less than 12 years ago.  I do remember sitting in a chair with the kids sitting on the floor around me.  They had a lot of questions.  I kept it simple.  Kurtis was pleased & so proud his Mom went in to talk with the kids about his diabetes.  It helped with them being more social with him.  He was not gawked at as much.  But making friends continued to be an issue until Grade 5.

Look for my Blog tomorrow on what happened that caused the children to respect Kurtis and his diabetes.

 

 

Saying No.

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Saying No.

How can one word cause so much stress?

Is it the concern of being selfish? Is it the fear that we are not allowing ourselves the opportunity to have new experiences and challenges? Is it the fear of believing there is no one else that can do what you’ve been asked to do? Are we afraid to disappoint? Do we need to prove a point to ourselves or others? Are we afraid of conflict and burning bridges?

In this day and age the pressure we are living under to perform, accept, accomplish, respond to, access and be accountable for is too much, not just as adults but teens and young children are being subjected to this prematurely. Our private lives are jeopardized by the creation of global urbanization and technology with the expectation to keep up at all costs.

Yes is stress. But saying no is too. How do we find balance?

Take a look at how stress can influence our health:

1. Stress hormones raise blood sugars
2. Stress contributes to insulin resistance
3. Stress leads to weight gain
4. Stress can increase blood pressure
5. Stress can suppress the immune system
6. Stress can worsen or create allergies
7. Stress can increase the risk of heart attack and stroke
8. Stress can impair fertility
9. Stress can accelerate the aging process
10. Stress can create psychological imbalances such as anxiety and depression
11. Stress can cause or enhance addictive behaviours such as drugs, alcohol, sex, exercise etc.

Here are some guidelines to assist in determining when it is right to say “No’ and find or keep your balance.

1. When you have a bad feeling and your gut says “this doesn’t feel right”…trust it!!! Be true to yourself!
2. Thinking about saying “Yes” to the request causes you to feel overwhelmed before you have even committed to it.
3. Your principles, ethics and/or beliefs are in jeopardy.
4. The financial expense doesn’t fit your budget.
5. It is not fulfilling the goals and objectives you have set for yourself.

It’s OKAY to say “No”. Words and body language are our most powerful ally. How you respond will empower you and the person who has asked.

“Seek first to understand, then to be understood.” – Stephen Covey

Eden’s Journey – Part 3

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Eden's Journey - Part 3

So I thought I would post one of my favorite desserts! I always look for new stuff, since I cannot do the “just eat greens and plain chicken” idea of healthy eating…YUCK! I love different flavours, and ways of cooking so you may see a lot of recipes ha ha. I usually have 11 almonds at night with anything else I eat (I LOVE BBQ flavour almonds …mouth-watering hehe). This has been one of my favorite things to make for the last couple of weeks! I eat it along with my almonds and a giant chai tea. Also an FYI chai tea is great for diabetics! It cleanses your kidney, and it also has many other health benefits.
Ok so here is the recipe….SO EASY TO MAKE

Pumpkin Pie

1 cup of almond milk (I use this because there is no sugar in it, only 35 calories, and 2.5 grams of fat per cup…..I recommend Silk Unsweetened vanilla. It is awful drinking it on its own, but great in teas and desserts)
1 can of pumpkin (has only 3 grams of sugar in it for half the can!)
2 massive teaspoons of cinnamon (you can add more next time if you want it more “spicy”)
2 tablespoons of splenda (you can use stevia, but I stick with splenda since I know its yummy)
2 eggs

Mix together in a microwave safe bowl. It takes about 20-25 minutes…maybe longer depending on your microwave. Just keep checking it every 5 to 10 minutes so no one burns it! It should not be runny, and usually starts separating from the sides of the bowl. You can add Greek yogurt on top if you like it or a couple of walnuts. I like it chilled, so I put in the fridge once it is finished, but….sometimes I cannot wait haha I find it gets a bit firmer in the fridge.

I hope you enjoy, remember to follow me on instagram edenalexandriadaly I post a lot of pictures on their day-to-day!

Setting Goals

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Setting Goals

About 12 years ago I decided to take up a new sport. I joined a Karate club & started to take Kickboxing. It was hard! BUT, I loved kicking the bag & throwing punches. Within a few months I decided I wanted to transfer from Kickboxing to Karate. I wanted to measure my progress. This could be done by achieving each colour belt. Several years later & a lot of hard work, I received my Purple belt.

When I started, one of the many exercises I couldn’t do was a push up on my knees! Not one! Next thing I knew I was strong enough to do one on my toes. Before I knew it I was doing all the push ups on my toes. Each time I increased in the number or changed my technique, I celebrated. By the time I earned my Purple Belt I was in a push up competition against higher belts & guys, no offence guys! ;P. I was pushing long after they had given up. I had a final goal & several smaller ones to get to the big one. I could see my shoulders & arms changing, becoming defined. I was pushing 100 at a time on my toes!! I felt SO good about myself, physically, mentally, emotionally!

Why do I share this? Pick an exercise. Pick one you don’t think you can do. Research it. Have someone spot you if you need to. Start small. Baby steps. Can only do one repetition? It’s a start! Measure your progress. Revamp your goal as needed. Celebrate little & big accomplishments! Before you know it, you will look back and see that you have accomplished the goal you set for yourself! Be aware of the feelings & the changes within you & physically as you progress! What a great feeling!

Never Prepared

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Never Prepared

In all the years the kids were in primary and yes, even high school, I only missed one year of their first day of school. In my mind it was a given I would be there. I had to be there so I could take, what would become, the “First Day of School Picture”. It was very important to me and I felt for them, to be there to tell them to ‘have a good day, be safe, I love you’, giving them hugs and kisses before they got on the bus. The picture I took each year measured many things. Growth, happiness, anticipation, excitement, love, memories, health. I wanted to make sure the kids knew that school was a big deal. It was a positive place to be. Learning at school was as important as at home. This is a pic of Cayla, 9, and Kurtis, 7, in September 2000. Today I showed Kurtis the pic. He tells me he doesn’t like the picture, he thinks he looks like a geek. :p

In this photo, Kurtis is less than 2 months away from the day he was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes.

Not knowing the ‘stats’, from the time my kids were born, I kept an eye on how much they drank, peed and gained weight. It didn’t occur to me to look up the ‘stats’ on being a Type 1 parent and the chances of ‘passing’ it on to my children until after Kurtis’ diagnosis. According to the American Diabetes Association, the stats read like this:

Both parents (neither have Type 1) have inherent risk factors that contribute to a child developing Type 1.

A child with a Dad living with Type 1 has 1 in 17 odds of developing Type 1.

A child with a Mom that had him/her before the age of 25 has a 1 in 25 chance of developing Type 1.

If Mom has her kids after the age of 25, the odds go up to 1 in 100.

A parent diagnosed with Type 1 before the age of 11 provides a risk of double that their child will develop it.

Regardless of the stats, in my gut I knew. I spoke with other parents who live with Type 1 diabetes that have the same worries as me. But is the effect of the diagnosis the same as a parent that has no idea until diagnosis that their child may develop it?

I try to put myself in my parents shoes as neither one of them have Type 1. Now mind you it was 1975, but hear me out. I am imagining myself as a parent living without Type 1 who has a child that is diagnosed with Type 1. The ‘radar’ saying “I will keep an eye out, just in case.” doesn’t exist. When that day comes. When my very sick child is before me and the Doctor tells me that he/she has Type 1, finally, because heaven knows in this modern-day of technology and knowledge it seems the awareness of signs and symptoms among many health care professionals still does not exist. I am told he/she will take injections of insulin to sustain them for the rest of their life. My mind would spin. I envision myself being whisked off to the hospital or clinic with my very sick child where I would be expected to take a crash course on how to keep my child from having lows so severe they could die and highs so high they become very sick with ketones with the risk of developing long-term complications, possibly dying from these complications. I would be expected to learn how to titrate a medication that is life saving but can cause death if not treated with respect. I have to learn how to poke my precious child with a sharp needle not once a day but several times. What are kids most fearful of? Pain. What do glucose tests and needles cause? Pain. What does a parent try to protect their child from at all costs? Pain.

I can’t tell you it was easier for me. If it was, it would be difficult to relate to the feelings of a parent not living with Type 1 prior to their child being diagnosed. I was ‘blessed’ to have more experience and knowledge. That’s all. At the end of the day, I am a parent first.

Kurtis’ ‘road’ to his diagnosis began 2 years earlier. He was 5, the same age when I was diagnosed. On one particular day he seemed to be drinking and peeing more than usual. I don’t know how, as he was my strong willed child, but I convinced him to poke his finger without much fuss. His blood sugar 2 hours after he ate his meal was 8.2 mmol/L (148 mg/dL). My jaw dropped. My stomach flipped. I called the Family Physicians office immediately. The receptionist told me to check his sugar after having him fast 12 hours. Now, I do have to say, this was not funny at the time but as a parent and now that I speak of it, it is. 16 hours later, I finally promised Kurtis I would take him to McDonald’s. I never took my kids to McDonald’s!! I was SO desperate & scared, I promised if he let me poke his finger I would buy him a McHappy Meal. He agreed. It is now 10am!! He must’ve been starving! Kurtis’ sugar was 4.8 mmol/L (86 mg/dl). I called the Physician’s office to report back. I wasn’t convinced that this made it all right. I had that gut feeling a parent gets when they “know” something isn’t right.

Fast forward to September and October 2000. From the time Kurtis was a baby he had a history of ear and sinus infections. He lived with one ear infection after another. From one sinus infection to another. He would finish one round of antibiotics and would be onto the next.

As usual, Kurtis had a healthy summer. On the first day of school, as pictured, he seemed great, looked healthy. Once exposed to the school environment of germs, sneezes and coughs, his health slowly declined to a point I knew he was going to be sick. Dark shadows under the eyes and very pale. I would keep him on a tight schedule of bedtime and keep him fed well with healthy, home cooked meals. It didn’t seem to matter.

But, this time was different. Kurtis had that ‘look’ I was familiar with. I was perplexed, he wasn’t getting sick. At that time, for his age group, track pants were the fad. He was always a big boy. Always in or over the 90th percentile in height and weight for his age. When he had a growth spurt he would get chunky and stretch up. Being 7 years of age, I didn’t weigh him often or become concerned if he thinned out a bit.

October 31, 2000. I had sent Kurtis to school with a plate full of treats for his classes Hallowe’en party. As well as making a point of being there in the morning to put them on the bus, I tried my best to be there to see them come home from school as well. As Cayla and Kurtis walked in the front door, I was excited for them. I looked forward to carving their pumpkins and get dressed up for our night out Trick or Treating. As I prepared and fed the kids their after school snack, in the conversation of asking how their day was, Kurtis’ informs me that he didn’t eat much at his Hallowe’en party because he felt sick to his tummy and peed and drank at the water fountain all day. I wanted to throw up. I knew. I didn’t even have to check him to know. But of course, I did.

After explaining to him my suspicions and what I needed to do to confirm, come hell or high water, Kurtis was not going let me check by finger poke. I did a dipstick of his urine. I wanted to cry. The test strip showed 4+ sugar. It was 4:30pm. I called the Family Physicians office again. In the background I could hear Kurtis crying “I hate diabetes” “I don’t want diabetes”. This time I knew it wasn’t going to be instructions to check his fasting. In my mind at that time, all I could think was, I GAVE my baby diabetes.

I believe my emotions with Kurtis’ diagnosis may be a bit different, but not much then parents who don’t have diabetes. In the end, I have come to terms with the fact, it doesn’t matter. It is what it is. BUT, with that being said, and why I write this post is that there are two things I learned that I want to pass onto you. Whether you are a parent that has ‘passed’ on Type 1 to your child or parents that carry those dreaded inherent genes that we know little about ….

1. I cried to my Mom many times about the fact I ‘gave’ Kurtis diabetes. I felt SO guilty!! Being the amazing Mom she is, do you know what she asked me? “So, if you were to chose whether you had Kurtis or he had diabetes, which would it be?” OH MY!! There is no choice! I would have him a thousand times over!!

2. A year later of Kurtis & I grieving (separately mind you, he never saw me grieve) he would sit on the couch trying to inject himself (he insisted) for a minimum of an hour morning and night. I would listen to him cry and wail about how much it hurt and he can’t do it and he hates diabetes …so painful to watch. I finally realized I was enabling him to be pitied for something he had no control over. I don’t believe in enabling people to be pitied. I then realized I needed to empower him. I told him he had no choice. I told him it sucked living with diabetes BUT he could do whatever he wanted to do! I asked him if he saw me wailing and crying over taking my needles? Did he see me feeling sorry for myself? I told him I would no longer tolerate pity. He could share his feelings but could not use his diabetes for pity.

Our human compassion binds us the one to the other – not in pity or patronizingly, but as human beings who have learnt how to turn our common suffering into hope for the future. Nelson Mandela

For most diagno…

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For most diagnoses all that is needed is an ounce of knowledge, an ounce of intelligence, and a pound of thoroughness. – Anonymous

In January, for the second time in two months I arrive in the Emergency Department.  

I have to be in pretty rough shape to go there.  I can count on one hand how often I have gone for myself.  Having worked in the ER, I have seen people’s definition of what an emergency is.   I don’t want to be one of those people.  But, here I am doubled over in pain again.  Just before heading out the door, I stand with my hands shaking, heart pounding, crying…Googling my symptoms one more time, trying to find a diagnosis that I can fix so I don’t have to go.  Then I think to myself…what if I am dying of something and they can treat it?  That would be really stupid!

So off I go.  The Triage Nurse asks what’s happening.  I tell her.  She takes my history.  Takes my blood pressure.  WHOA!!  I guess I am in pain….155/100.  Ok, I feel a little more justified in being there.  They take me right in.  Ok, I’m feeling even more justified.  

The ER Doctor comes into assess me and has already looked up my health history from the past 10 years! That’s a first!!  I describe to him what I have and am presently experiencing.  I tell him my thoughts about it.  I tell him the tests I have had.  He urgently orders a shot of pain medication in my hip.  The nurse comes in and tells me that it will sting a bit as it is going in.  As she injects it, I comment to her that it doesn’t really hurt.  THEN, she pulls the needle out and man, oh, man…talk about a delayed reaction!!  The burn!  But, if it was going to take the pain away, the burn was the least of my discomfort.

The thorough assessment by the Doc gave me some reassurance that this time there would be a diagnosis.  Although I had an Ultrasound and a CT Scan from my earlier ER visit, which showed nothing, the Dr insists I should have another CT Scan.  In my mind, I am thinking MRI! MRI!  But I figure I will humour him.  

Finally the pain med begins to take the edge off.  During the Ultrasound, the Tech is taking the probe across one spot in particular, over and over.  Let me tell you, that was fun…NOT!  A necessary evil.  Finally, she asks if I have a had a different type of Ultrasound.  I have not and feel a sense of relief that she is deciding to do this.  Afterwards, she informs me the ER Dr will talk with us about the results when we go back to Emerg.  She sends us on our way.

Back in the ER, it takes the Dr a bit of time before he comes to speak with us.  I am terrified. Is it, he still doesn’t know or something very serious?

He tells us he has spoken with a Specialist and tells me I have a condition called Adenomyosis.  OK!  I have an answer.  I have a condition.  BUT, what is it, I ask.  He says he doesn’t know, he has never heard of it.  Huh?!?  So is it treatable?  Is it something I have to live with the rest of my life, because pain and diabetes management don’t go well together.  Is it terminal?  He tells us the Specialist wants to see me in a week to discuss treatment options.  In the meantime, he sends me home on Tylenol #3’s and prescription NSAID’s.

I whip out my phone and go to Google.  I guess the Dr doesn’t have Google or a Medical Dictionary at the hospital (insert sarcasm).

After reading about it, a wave of relief washes over me.  I know what the discussion will be with the Specialist now!  It is treatable.  I will need major surgery.  I am excited.  Really, I am!

After researching more, I realize the many issues I am having with my body the past many years, I now know are directly linked to this one condition.  The surgery will fix these things!  

In less then a month I am looking forward to beginning the recovery process.  In the meantime, I have focused on eating well, taking my vitamins and supplements, keeping my blood sugars tight, getting enough sleep and walking.  Ideally, I would like to exercise more intensely to strengthen my muscles but I am not well enough for that.  I remind myself in a few months I will be able to.   I have been reassured by a few friends who have had the surgery that I will wake up one day on week six of the recovery and realize how great I feel, how rough I’ve felt these years.  The countdown is on.

I am looking forward to my new life.