Tried and True Recipe….Feeds 8…Not in My Experience

I found this recipe, I am guessing, about 18 years ago.  It was an instant hit. So much so, in particular, my daughter Cayla would request it.  She asked me to send it to her when she lived in France and then in the Chilcotin Mountains of British Columbia. She asked me to send so she could make it for the families she worked for as an Au Pair.

This year before she left for her adventure living in Wellington, New Zealand we had a ‘Farewell’ party.  I asked what meal she would like me to make for this occasion.  My famous Picadillo was the request without hesitation.

We sit down at the table with Cayla, my parents and my husband, Steve.  We begin to partake.  Steve says “Why haven’t you made this before?”  He loves it.

Oops.  I don’t know why.  Kids left.  On their own.  Changed up the menu.

Once again the love of Picadillo is becoming tradition.  I forgot how delicious it is!   And it has a nice stable impact on my blood sugar.

Before Cayla left for Wellington, she took a pic of the recipe.  When my husband Steve committed to working in Ottawa for 4 months, he took a pic of the recipe as well.

I make a huge batch of it for myself almost every week.  I freeze some for suppers which I can heat quickly in a pot on the stove (I choose not to own a microwave) as well as thermos lunches while working.

This is the ecipe and pics of tonights creation.

Enjoy!

Ingredients

2 tbsp olive oil

2 medium organic onions, finely chopped

1 large organic bell pepper, finely chopped

6 organic plum tomatoes, chopped

salt and freshly ground black pepper

1 tsp minced fresh organic garlic

1 tsp ground cumin

1 tsp ground coriander

1 lb lean ground beef (I use only lean ground sirloin)

1 lb ground pork (I haven’t tried substituting a lower fat meat such as ground chicken or turkey but I would think it is just as delicious)

3/4 organic balsamic vinegar

2 tbsp capers, drained

1/2 cup tomato puree

Optional garnish:  Sour cream

Directions:

Heat the olive oil in a large skillet or pot over medium heat.  Add the onions and peppers. Cook until they are tender, 10-15 minutes.  Then add the tomatoes, salt and pepper to taste; garlic, cumin and coriander.  Given our winter and today’s temp of -35C, I decide to add some colour with a yellow pepper instead of a green bell.

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Turn the heat up to medium high and add the meat.  Brown the meat, using a spoon to break it into tiny pieces.  Add the balsamic vinegar, capers and tomatoe puree.

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Reduce the heat and simmer for at least 1 hour.

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Be creative in how you chose to serve this…in a wrap or taco…whether it be wheat, gluten free or lettuce.  The Picadillo world is your oyster!

I prefer to serve it in a bowl with lactose free sour cream.

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Looking forward to hear if it becomes a family favourite in your home as well.  Serves 8 (that’s what the recipe says…I have never experienced 1 batch lasting for that many people!)

I’m OKAY!! Really!?

Wedding Cruise5With the exception of the time we dated in high school, my husband Steve is diagnosed with Type 1 spousal diabetes for just under four years.

It may seem silly but I assumed in all this time he knew diabetes like I did.  I can’t even tell you why I thought he would learn 39 years of living with Type 1 diabetes as I have experienced by observing signs, symptoms and random sharing of how I feel in certain situations.  He has never had formal education in the less than 4 years we have been together.

The moment I understood I need to share my life with diabetes more?

We arrived in Lima, Peru.

After settling on the last leg of our journey we decide to head out in search of a few markets and sites for some art pieces.

On the way back, my pump alarms that my sensor is telling me my blood sugars is 4 mmol/L.  My sugar is going down.  Stupidly, I have no sugar on me…Steve is so good he usually does have lifesavers in his pocket…but he has none.

I feel it is lower than 4 mmol/L.  But I am stubborn.  Steve asks if I want him to go into a store and get sugar.  I say it’s OK .

First, when my sugar trends towards low but I feel like I am not in danger, I don’t treat with rapid acting sugar, I set a temporary basal rate.  I think it’s a control thing.  I want to change the stupid system that really works…just to see if I can make it better.  I am so anti-sugar….I really want to take it…mental block.

So…I say to Steve, it’s okay, I’ll set a temp rate.

And we keep walking.

And several minutes later I become dull.  And quiet.  I lack my bubbly, sunshine Type A personality.

Steve knows but doesn’t know.  He hasn’t experienced such an extreme moment like this.

I personify strength.  Knowledge.  Power.  Ability.  I am never the victim.  He trusts that. Even thought his gut tells him different.

DBB Hypo Peru

So he trusts me and my choice.

Until I mumble I want ice cream.  And he asks further questions.  And I am indecisive and vague.

We end up in a grocery store a few blocks away from our hotel.  He asks me several times what I want to get….I don’t know.  In my mind I want to ask him to help me.  Save me from this terrible prison in my mind of wanting to be in control.  Not to ask for help.  I will take care of myself.  I won’t confess I have failed.  I won’t ask.  I refuse.  I won’t.  I have done this since I was a little girl.  My (mis)behaviour trumps my voice.

I am no good to anyone.  I know it.  I am too far gone to say that.

Steve finally suggests and I agree.

We pay out at the cash and I inhale.

Many minutes later Tracy returns.

Later that night we debrief.  He tells me…”I knew, but I didn’t because you know!”, but I did.  And I failed to tell him.  Thankfully he saw it today. Exactly what I just described.

He tells me “…from now when when you say “It’s okay, I’ll set a temporary basal rate.”  I am going to pop into a store and buy some candies.”

And he will tell me.  “You need this candies”.  And I now I will take them.  Regardless of how bad I want to be in control.  Because, we have this consensual contract.

It’s good to share my diabetes.  A liberation.  Enlightening.  It is a relief to give a very small piece of it to someone else.  Even though it is only a very small piece of what my mind thinks of 24-7-365, if feels good. Despite how much control I want.  And how hard it is to let go.

Gobbling It Up

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I was very guilty of this for many, many years.

Pursued & got the 6 figure job. I worked long, exhausting hours running an extremely successful career all while raising 2 amazing kids.

I thought my career & being the ‘perfect’ Mom would fill the void of what I was really looking for. I also thought building a dream home would make everything okay.

I knew why I did it, but couldn’t put it into words or stop the search. I didn’t stop ‘gobbling’ up until the past few years.

It took a lot of choice, non-choice & learning to accept all the ‘things’ I lost to put what mattered into perspective.

In the end finally finding a love that accepted me for who I was without having to prove myself ultimately stopped that seemingly endless search.

It’s an amazing release from something you are always looking for but can never find satisfaction.

Not that I don’t get sucked into it once in a while & have to step back & say to myself ‘whoa!!’…but I know beyond a shadow of doubt that I won’t ‘gobble up’ like I did. My search is over.

“We’ve got a sort of brainwashing going on in our country, Morrie sighed. Do you know how they brainwash people? They repeat something over and over. And that’s what we do in this country. Owning things is good. More money is good. More property is good. More commercialism is good. More is good. More is good. We repeat it–and have it repeated to us–over and over until nobody bothers to even think otherwise. The average person is so fogged up by all of this, he has no perspective on what’s really important anymore.

Wherever I went in my life, I met people wanting to gobble up something new. Gobble up a new car. Gobble up a new piece of property. Gobble up the latest toy. And then they wanted to tell you about it. ‘Guess what I got? Guess what I got?’

You know how I interpreted that? These were people so hungry for love that they were accepting substitutes. They were embracing material things and expecting a sort of hug back. But it never works. You can’t substitute material things for love or for gentleness or for tenderness or for a sense of comradeship.

Money is not a substitute for tenderness, and power is not a substitute for tenderness. I can tell you, as I’m sitting here dying, when you most need it, neither money nor power will give you the feeling you’re looking for, no matter how much of them you have.” ― Mitch Albom, Tuesdays with Morrie

So What?!?

 

I have lived with Type 1 diabetes since the Fall of 1975.

I have been a parent of a child with Type 1 diabetes since October 2000.

I have mixed long and short acting insulin and injected myself with insulin using a vial & syringe for the majority of the time 22,630 times.

In a series of partially memorable events at the age of 16 and after many hours later in the hospital as a result of a seizure overnight from a severe low blood sugar, I recall waking up laying in my own vomit as a result of seizure.

I have inserted 624 insulin pump infusion sites into my body.

I have mixed long and short acting insulin injected Kurtis with a vial & syringe & insulin pens 4,380 times.

I have inserted 312 insulin pump infusion sites into Kurtis.

I have done 4,380 urine tests for sugar & ketones using keto-diastix.

I have done 45,990 finger pokes to test my blood sugar on a glucose meter.

I oversaw or did 17,520 finger pokes to or with Kurtis to test his sugar.

I have been carried out of the bedroom in the morning from severe low blood sugar twice.

I have stumbled out of my bedroom and managed to get to rapid acting sugar during a major low approximately 10 times with a number of times in front of my toddlers and young children.

I have lovingly carried two pregnancies with anxiety and anticipation as well as long term hospitalization resulting in 2 babies, one unhealthy as a result of my diabetes among other things and one as a result of learning from the first, winding up healthy.  Healthy and living their lives as young adults I am proud of them and what I accomplished to bring them into this world.

I have injected Glucagon into Kurtis and call 911 once when he was 13.

I really can’t say how it came to be except by my drive and determination but I have passionately pursued my career into the world of diabetes since the day Kurtis was diagnosed.

The climb has been challenging at best.  The balance difficult to achieve.  The ripe apples looked achievable & fairly easy to achieve despite it all.  But once the apples fell, looking up at the apple tree to acquire the ripe ones beyond reach appeared to be a lot of work and often times too much work.

The point?  Look past the overwhelming information.  After you stop shaking the tree and the ripe apples have fallen, take a moment.  Don’t worry about the apples that haven’t fallen.  Look underneath each leaf.  What do you see?

 

Reassurances

I am dedicating this to my friend Dee who has concerns that she will develop the mindset of an ‘old Diabetic’.  This mindset consists of being scared to death that having short-term high blood sugars will cause amputation, heart disease, kidney disease and stroke.

As a result of these fears, in the past many ‘old Diabetics’ learned to avoid high blood sugars, purposely running very tight sugars on old insulin such as Lente®, Humulin® L, NPH, Humulin® N, Toronto® and Humulin® R.  As a result the experiences of multiple moderate to severe low blood sugars occurred daily and weekly.  ‘Old Diabetics’ were not taught the mindset that a severe low could kill them or cause damage as well.  I know this all to well because I am one of ‘those’ ‘old Diabetics’.  Sadly, today many still live life like this despite the new technologies and choices we have to manage our diabetes.

I am not supporting anything more than the targets set for you or the A1C you need to achieve to attain a healthy life, but I do believe achieving these go beyond numbers and are associated with the mindset of getting there.

Whether you are an ‘old Diabetic’ or not, being diagnosed and living with diabetes can be empowering AND daunting.  You change your lifestyle to live healthier, a big bonus!  After feeling good about your accomplishments you suddenly experience a setback.  So frustrating!

Do you recall this picture?  Do you see an old hag or a young woman?  Can you change your perception of what you initially see?  It is so hard!

Old hag or young woman

 

It is the same with our diabetes.  What do we see when we look at our lives with diabetes?  How do we change our perception?

Reassurances

Is this picture of a lane a challenge that may be snowy and slippery leading to the unknown, possibly a struggle to walk back up, heart beating fast, muscles burning?  Oh the worry over what could be a beautiful journey if the perception is changed.  Or do you see the pleasure of an enjoyable walk with relaxing views including a beautiful winter blue sky in the horizon?  Do you see it?

How can I reassure you that you can manage your diabetes and avoid the things you fear?  Honestly, I can’t.

What I can reassure you is; YOU are not bad.  You are you as a person first who lives with a chronic disease called diabetes.  Don’t connect the two as to who you are and your accomplishments as a person.

You are not your sugars.  You are not your diabetes.  When I hear the statement “I’ve been bad.”, the next words out of my mouth are; “Hey, do you have diabetes???”.  We both laugh and I say, “That’s why you have high and low blood sugars!, HEY, You have diabetes!!”

So how can I reassure you?  I have changed my view of being an ‘old Diabetic’.

I see the picture differently now.  Do you know why?  Living with diabetes isn’t just about me.  What I understand now is that if I choose to not ‘play the game’.  If I choose to not adhere to the rules, if I choose to keep my perspective as an ‘old Diabetic’ and not learn a new perspective, I am not the only one I am hurting.

Who saves me or helps when I decide to run too tight and too low?  Who is SO scared that they may lose me because I was afraid of a short term high or got crazy keeping my sugars too tight?  It’s not me!

Reassurances

ReassurancesI have given my heart and soul raising my 2 beautiful children into young adulthood, I want to continue doing that.  In particular to my son Kurtis as he begins his life living with diabetes independently.

I want to live life. I want grow old with Steve and be able to fully enjoy our journey together.  I don’t him to worry about me.  He has to deal with my choices I make with my diabetes now and in the future.

 

So, with this, these are my reassurances to you:

You can live with diabetes.

You will change your perspective each day on how that will happen.

Through trial and error you will find your groove.

Do not fear the unknown.  Work with what you have today and change your game plan and perspective as need be.  BUT stick to the rules.

You are not bad no matter what the numbers say, the only change you need to make when you see them is to make it better, for your sake and for those you love.

Meaning

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Meaning

If you didn’t live with diabetes would you be the same person you are today? What has changed about you & your family as a result? Has it been a positive change?

Without a doubt I have a passion & a purpose that I believe would have been more difficult to discover had it not been for living with ‘my’ diabetes. Although there are days I wonder how much more energy (many without diabetes say I have more then they could harness so I hesitate to wish that upon anybody! LOL) as well as how much easier & clearer my mind would be to think & process daily thoughts (that again scares people that if I thought & processed more than I do I would be a very overbearing person). Maybe I am just really good at hiding how crappy I feel somedays. BUT, in the end, I have no regrets or misgivings about being handed this lot in life. Especially now that I sit with peeps & their families that live with diabetes & appreciate that I am their coach. I love sharing my experiences of 38 years of living with diabetes, as well as 13 years as a Mom of a child with diabetes to help others.

On the other hand, I do find at this point in time challenging as a parent of a ‘child’/young adult living with diabetes. At time of diagnosis & since he became a teenager I wish it had never happened or that I could keep him at the age I was able to manage him fairly easily. I tell myself that someday I will not feel that way. He too will find his rhythm, as I did, living with T1 diabetes. I don’t think there is a parent out there that can say that their family, them or their child is better off because of having diabetes.

My Mom’s perspective? Now that she knows I take great care of my diabetes & have a career that I love as a result of it she doesn’t worry as she did years ago. With that being said, I know she still has this ‘old’ diabetes mindset that one day I will announce I have kidney failure or I’m going blind. But as each day goes by I know she sees this will not happen…not in this day in age.

Being “Normal”

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What does every parent want when their child lives with Type 1 diabetes & it’s any special event whether it be Christmas, Hallowe’en, Birthday Parties or Easter? To portray it’s the one of the few times of their life they can enjoy what everyone else does. Well, sort of. But that’s the best we can offer, right? Do they remember or know any different? Kurtis never told me so. I don’t remember so.

From the ages of 8-11 I don’t remember what I did with Kurtis at Hallowe’en. That was the time when he took multiple daily injections. Life was a whirl wind. I worked shift work at the hospital. My whole life evolved around my children…I worked my job, my health, my diabetes…everything around the kids. I was a single parent a lot. I didn’t have a team mate I could pass the baton to & ask to take over. My focus consisted of; were the kids fed well, did they have lunches packed for school, were they doing well in school, were Kurtis’ blood sugars okay, what did I need to do make them ok, appointments for his diabetes, making sure Cayla didn’t feel like Kurtis was the centre of our family because of his diabetes, what did the kids have for homework, hockey, figure skating, testing Kurtis’ blood sugars day & night to keep him safe, setting my alarm to check him, arranging care for the kids for the few times I wasn’t there, making sure the people caring for him understood what to do with his diabetes…you get the whirl wind?

Do I remember what I did for Hallwe’en on injections? Vaguely. I know for a fact I would have kept his candy intake balanced so that his sugars weren’t crazy for days. I vaguely remember letting him pig out the night of after he returned from collecting his stash..to an extent. Then going forward matching meals with treats to keep it balanced.

Once Kurtis was on a pump, I was not so concerned. My mindset was eat it all sooner then later so that we have 1 week of craziness then 3-4 weeks of drawing it out & really messing things up. The bonus was he could put the carbs in his pump & burn it off with activity. I was lucky because Kurtis only liked certain candies. The rest he would never touch.

Christmas stockings & Easter hunts involved a lot of non-candy things from Wal-Mart & the dollar store. I kept it the same for both. The kids never said to me “where is my candy” or “why don’t get as much candy as the other kids”. I remember as a child living with Type 1 finding a brand new pair of running shoes (which I needed!) hidden for Easter! I was SO excited because they were the cool pair I wanted! You can’t substitute candy for something so wonderful as that!

Creativity & letting normalcy rule within the boundaries of keeping your child safe, is essential to an enjoyable, stress-free Hallowe’en.