All I Ever Wanted – My First of Two

All I Ever Wanted -  My First of Two

Pictured is days after Cayla was born on June 18,1991. She looks abnormally fat, doesn’t she? She is in the Newborn Critical Care Unit. That is the look of a Macrosomic baby. She was SO sick. I was very sick as well, but not related to diabetes.

In 1990 when I found out I was pregnant with Cayla, I lived with diabetes for 15 years.

At that time I found out I was pregnant I was in my 3rd year of Nursing in College. I was only in College because my Mom told me I should get a post-secondary education “just in case”. She told me that as a woman it’s always good to have an education for when I ever needed it. I didn’t see the point at the time & so much so I was initially kicked out of my 1st year of Nursing. I cared so little about having a post secondary education. I was in love & I just wanted to get married & have a family. That’s all I cared. Before re-starting back into the last half of my 1st year, I married. That helped me re-focus on achieving the education I ‘should’ have.

In the second year of Nursing I did a rotation in the Labour & Delivery floor. Ultimately I helped with several deliveries. I ached for a baby. I wanted to be a Mom SO bad.

At that point, I had 2 goals.

1. Finish my Nursing with honours. My goal was a result of being ‘told’ I couldn’t do something. That wasn’t true, but I saw it that way. I saw it as “they kicked me out, I’ll show ‘them'” I would finish it & with pizzaz.

2. Get pregnant.

Anyone who knows me understands that when Tracy wants something, Tracy will do all the right things & take all the roads needed to achieve it. It takes some painful learning, but I get there in time.

What resulted?

1. Tracy became pregnant 2 months into the 3rd year of Nursing.

When my classmates told me it would be near impossible to finish my year out (my due date was the 1st week of July) or ask me how was I going to do it with diabetes….it made me dig in my heels deeper. I would do it all!! I would graduate from Nursing with Honours, have my baby, write my Nursing exams, become a R.N. & be the best Mom ever.

The Diabetes Complications & Control Trial had yet to begin. There were no guidelines for pregnancy. I had not seen a Diabetes Specialist in years. Thankfully I went to my Family Physician within 6 weeks of suspecting I was pregnant. Back then, the home tests to decide pregnancy were not reliant so early. By blood test, the physician confirmed I was. He immediately referred me to an Internal Medicine Physician who specialized in diabetes. It was not an easy pregnancy.

The variables:

1. My long-acting insulin therapy consisted of NPH morning & supper (today all nighttime insulin is injected at bedtime to avoid missing the coverage of the Dawn Phenomenon causing sometimes severe low blood sugars in the hours shortly after midnight).

2. My short-acting insulin therapy consisted of regular insulin, once at breakfast, once at supper. Humalog had not been launched yet. I knew by how sleepy I was after meals that the regular insulin was not covering my needs. Sometimes, I would take very small doses of regular at lunch to see if it would help. I look back & see how incredible it was that I knew if I could coordinate my meal insulin to my meal sugars I would feel better. Unfortunately, it just resulted in severe lows as it stacked throughout the day.

3. I began my Clinical Consolidation shortly after I became pregnant. I worked 40 hours/week on shift in the hospital. As well, on the weekends I wasn’t on shift at the hospital, I was working as a cashier at a grocery store to help pay the bills. Weekly hours I put in between consolidation & work until I was hospitalized at 32 weeks was in excess of 45-50 hours, not including assignments & studying.

I remember the wild swings in blood sugars. I remember panicking every time the meter I used since I was 11 showed a high or low. I knew it would hurt my baby. Even then hypoglycemia protocol was not in place. If was low, I panicked as I always did. I would drink juice & then eat & eat. What resulted was a high so high I had to take regular insulin to correct in fear I would hurt my baby. As time progressed with the pregnancy, I learned how to manage certain issues. A low treatment was a couple of mouthfuls of milk. That seemed to keep my sugars more stable then before. I decreased the amount of carbs I ate. This eliminated the wild swings.

Unfortunately, it was too late, it did not save my first-born from the complications of a poorly controlled pregnancy.

1. As soon as Cayla was born, her blood sugar was tested.  She went from 11 mmol/L (198 mg/dl) to 2 mmol/L (40 mg/dl) in a matter of minutes.

2. Throughout my illness in the hospital, not related to my diabetes, I gained 45 lbs of fluid. Cayla gained fluid as well. Upon birth she weighed 9 pounds 11 ounces because of this. When they tried to insert an IV to bring he sugar up, they had difficulties getting a vein.

3. She was very, very ill with jaundice. Not only was she placed under lights, but her body was wrapped in a specialize blanket that emitted extra phototherapy. My baby was SO yellow. They poked her little heel with a razor blade too many times. I cried as she shook & screamed when they did it. My saving grace was I saw she had spunk!!

What I describe are the behaviours & control that lead to what Cayla was born with…Macrosomia. She & I were so fortunate, she did not have any respiratory problems. She was only in CCU for 1 week. Each day they told me I couldn’t have her in my room (I was too sick to go home too) I cried. I just wanted to be a Mom.

I took mental notes of my experience with my pregnancy with Cayla. I used them to my advantage with Kurtis.

Look for my post tomorrow on my pregnancy & birth of Kurtis.

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